The Firstborn Advantage by Dr. Kevin Leman

To say that I am the typical firstborn is an understatement.  Overachiever?  Check.   Hard worker?  Check.  Perfectionist?  Check.  When I read The Birth Order Book last year, I was quite intrigued and amused by how often it seemed to me that Kevin Leman got this birth order thing right (As a side note, why do I feel okay calling him Kevin Leman instead of Dr. Leman?  I think it’s because he’s a last born child, and he comes off in his books as very affable.)  I even began to play armchair psychologist, asking people I barely knew about their birth order and sharing his findings with them.  I’m not sure if anyone else was amused, but I sure was.

However, something about his discussion of the firstborn really got to me.  I know all too well the internal stress created by the drive to be perfect that Leman places squarely on the firstborn personality.  In fact, that drive for perfection (in some things, not all) quite honestly almost drives me to distraction at times.  I picked up The First Born Advantage in hopes that it would shed some light on exactly what the good parts of having that first born personality are.  Oh, I know they’re there, buried deep, but it seems that the negatives manifest themselves too much in my life.  The other part of this that bothers me is that I am raising my own firstborn, whom I hope I can help learn to let go of some of those first born tendencies (or at least not add to them!).

What this book does is provide a brief overview of the idea of birth order (which I frankly think is more interesting here) and then show both sides of the first born personality.  Leman does focus on the negatives of this personality–the perfectionism, the critical eye, the drive to succeed, the micromanagement, etc.  The last several chapters, however, show how this personality can play out in different settings like school, work, and home, and how to use this very strong personality to one’s advantage.  He definitely ends on a positive note, and throughout the book he reiterates that it is the first borns who are the leaders of the world, in just about every realm.

This was not really the life-changing book I hoped it to be, but perhaps that is because most of what he says about the first born personality I already know from experience or from reading his other book.  However, it did reiterate to me how important it is for me to loosen up, especially with my own children, and for that reason I think it is a worthwhile read.